Due to the snows over Christmas, our office holiday party was postponed until today. It was held in the mailroom of our off campus facility about a mile away and was to be only a hour long so I decided not to go, and instead covered the counter of one of the copy centers. The person who went in my stead was thoughtful enough to bring back a slice of cake.

Carrot Cake.

I'm not going to say that it was an insult to the pastries of the world to call this "cake", rather that it's a insult to the noble carrot to have its name sullied by being associated with this... abomination disguised as food.

I didn't care for it.

I have a entirely reasonable hatred of bananas, I think we can all agree. I have been known to attack people who give me food with bananas secreted within, and I do not apologize for these attacks, as there are few things more despicable than trying to "trick" someone by adulterating their food. If I gave you a donut with a dead mouse filling, I think that you would have every right to punch me in the schnoz.

I have to admit, however, a weakness for one thing banana-ish; banana "flavored" Laffy Taffy. It's like hating crab but liking surimi "Sea Legs". I always feel so dirty after eating a piece.

A co-worker of mine is going to the inauguration next week, and so we were looking at an article about the preparations DC is making for the crowds. Apparently there is going to be one port-a-potty per thousand expected attendants. Assuming that each visitor needs to use the restroom twice over a twelve hour period, a occupant must "do their business" in 21.58 seconds to keep things on schedule. Inauguration is no time for number twos it seems.

I was talking to my mother about retirement. It was her birthday this Saturday (happy birthday mom!) and so we talked about getting old, and all the fun things ageing entails. She said that she was worried that she would not be "good" at retirement. Think about that. What has my family done to this poor woman that relaxation and idleness seems so impossible? I'm glad for the recent financial Apocalypse; it may keep her working for a little longer.

I dreamt last night that all the worlds children became cannibals and were chasing me around, like the worlds most adorable horror film. I cannot tell you how much I wish I were kidding.

Merry New Year!

I've been, well not avoiding coffee, but not drinking it in the mornings for a while now, but this Christmas I got a bag of beans from my brother and thought "Hey, what I need for the new year is a new addiction." It's amazing how fast the monkey settles in to his old place between my shoulders.